Becoming independent doesn’t happen overnight—and neither does the teenage brain.
One of the most common things we hear from parents of teenagers is:
“I don’t understand. They’re so capable in some areas, yet they still forget everything.”
Perhaps your teenager can spend hours planning a holiday with friends, creating intricate worlds in Minecraft or researching the perfect pair of trainers online.
Yet, they can’t seem to remember to bring their sports kit home. They leave assignments until the night before they’re due. Their bedroom looks as though a tornado has passed through. They lose track of time. They make impulsive decisions that leave you wondering, “What were they thinking?”
If this sounds familiar, take comfort in knowing that you’re not alone. Teenagers often look like adults on the outside, but from a neurological perspective, they are still very much under construction. In fact, the part of the brain responsible for executive functioning—the prefrontal cortex—continues to develop well into the mid-twenties (Casey et al., 2008; Diamond, 2013).
This means that while adolescents are becoming increasingly independent, they are still learning to plan ahead, regulate emotions, manage time, organise themselves and make thoughtful decisions.
As occupational therapists, understanding this developmental journey helps us support teenagers with empathy while still encouraging responsibility and independence.
Executive Functions Become More Complex During Adolescence
As children move into their teenage years, the demands on executive functioning increase dramatically. Life is no longer just about remembering homework or packing a school bag.
Teenagers are now expected to:
- Manage multiple teachers and timetables
- Balance homework, exams and extracurricular activities
- Organise social lives
- Manage technology responsibly
- Prepare for future education or employment
- Make increasingly independent decisions
- Navigate complex friendships and relationships
- Regulate emotions during periods of enormous physical and hormonal change
At the same time, their brains are still refining the very skills needed to manage these demands. This mismatch often explains why adolescence can feel challenging for both teenagers and their families.
Research consistently shows that executive functions continue developing throughout adolescence as neural connections become more efficient and the prefrontal cortex matures (Best & Miller, 2010; Diamond, 2013; Luna et al., 2015).
Brain Builder
Think of executive functions as the brain’s chief executive officer. During adolescence, that CEO is learning to manage a rapidly expanding company. There are more decisions to make. More competing priorities. More emotions to navigate. More responsibilities than ever before.
Some days the CEO runs everything brilliantly. Other days they forget the meeting, misplace the paperwork and make a decision they’ll regret five minutes later. That isn’t unusual. It’s part of development.
Borrowing the Prefrontal Cortex
As occupational therapists, we sometimes talk about “borrowing the prefrontal cortex.” It doesn’t mean teenagers are incapable, nor does it mean they shouldn’t be held accountable for their choices. Instead, it recognises that adolescents still benefit from calm adults who can temporarily provide the planning, organisation and emotional regulation that their brains are still developing.
Imagine your teenager has three assignments due, football training, a part-time job and an upcoming exam. They know everything they need to do. But they become overwhelmed.
Rather than helping them plan, we sometimes respond by saying:
“You just need to get organised.”
Unfortunately, telling someone to be organised doesn’t teach organisation.
Instead, we can help them break tasks into manageable steps, prioritise what comes first and gradually hand over responsibility as their confidence grows. This process is known in developmental psychology as scaffolding—providing support that is gradually reduced as skills develop (Vygotsky, 1978).
The OT Lens
One of the most valuable questions we ask is:
“What support does this teenager need today that they may not need next year?”
Occupational therapy is never about creating dependence. It’s about providing the just-right amount of support to enable participation while gradually building independence. Sometimes that means using visual planners. Sometimes it means helping families establish routines. Sometimes it means teaching a teenager how to estimate the time needed for a project.
Our goal is always the same:
To help young people develop the skills they need to manage their own lives with confidence.
“They Know What to Do—They Just Don’t Do It.”
This is perhaps the biggest myth surrounding executive functioning in adolescence.
Parents often tell us:
“They’ve done this a hundred times. They know exactly what needs to happen.”
Knowing and doing are not the same thing. A teenager may know they need to start studying. They may genuinely intend to begin after dinner. But initiating the task, resisting distractions, organising materials, managing anxiety and maintaining focus all rely on executive functions.
This difference between knowing and doing is one of the reasons adolescents with ADHD, autism, anxiety and other neurodevelopmental differences may appear inconsistent in their performance (Dawson & Guare, 2018). Understanding this difference allows us to move away from blaming and towards coaching.
The OT Lens
As occupational therapists, we often say:
“Skills develop through participation, not through repeated reminders.”
If a teenager relies entirely on adults to organise every aspect of their day, they have fewer opportunities to practise organising themselves. Rather than becoming the manager of your teenager’s life, aim to become their coach. Ask questions. Help them reflect. Problem-solve together. Gradually step back as confidence and competence grow.
Everyday Occupations Continue to Shape Executive Functions
Executive functions don’t develop only in the classroom. Some of the richest opportunities for learning happen through everyday occupations.
Planning meals. Managing pocket money. Travelling independently. Completing household responsibilities. Preparing for a part-time job. Organising sports equipment. Learning to drive. Volunteering. Each of these occupations requires planning, organisation, flexible thinking, time management and emotional regulation.
Participation remains one of the most powerful ways to strengthen executive functioning throughout adolescence (AOTA, 2020; Law et al., 1996).
Parent Reflection
Think about something you currently manage for your teenager. Could they begin taking responsibility for part of that task with your support? Perhaps they could pack their own sports bag. Manage their own alarm clock. Plan one family meal each week. Organise their study timetable. Independence develops one opportunity at a time.
In Part 2, we’ll explore emotional regulation, sleep, technology, friendships, exams, driving, employment and preparing teenagers for adult life. We’ll also discuss practical occupational therapy strategies that support growing independence, signs that additional support may be beneficial, and include a full evidence-informed reference list.
by Nicola Van Zyl