In Part 1, we explored why executive functions become increasingly important during the middle childhood years and why children who once seemed to manage well may suddenly struggle as expectations grow.
In this second part, we’ll look at how families can nurture these skills through everyday occupations, why independence doesn’t happen overnight, and when it may be helpful to seek additional support.
Independence Is Built Through Participation
One of the greatest gifts we can give children between the ages of eight and twelve is the opportunity to take increasing responsibility for their everyday lives. This can sometimes feel uncomfortable for parents.
It’s often quicker to pack the sports bag yourself, make the bed, organise the homework diary or remind your child where their shoes are for the tenth time. But every time we do something for a child that they are capable of learning to do with support, we remove an opportunity for executive functions to grow.
Occupational therapists often talk about participation rather than simply performance. Our goal isn’t for a child to complete a task perfectly. Our goal is for them to become an active participant in the occupations that make up their everyday life.
Research consistently shows that participation in meaningful occupations supports children’s cognitive, emotional and social development (AOTA, 2020; Law et al., 1996).
The OT Lens
One of the questions we often ask in clinic is:
“Whose executive functions are completing this task?”
If an adult is remembering every step, organising every item, solving every problem and providing every reminder, then the adult is doing the executive functioning.
Children need opportunities to practise these skills themselves, even if that means allowing extra time, a few mistakes and a little more mess along the way. Learning rarely looks perfect.
Time Management Doesn’t Come Naturally
Parents are often surprised to learn that children do not instinctively understand time. Many eight to twelve-year-olds genuinely struggle to estimate how long tasks will take. To a child, brushing their teeth might feel like it takes two minutes, while packing a school bag may seem as though it takes forever.
Planning backwards from a deadline, estimating time, prioritising tasks and avoiding procrastination are all executive function skills that continue developing well into adolescence (Best & Miller, 2010; Zelazo, 2015). Rather than expecting children to “manage their time,” we first need to help them understand it.
Try This at Home
Help your child estimate how long a task might take before they begin.
For example:
“How long do you think it will take to tidy your room?”
Then compare the estimate with the actual time.
Over time, children begin developing a much more realistic sense of planning and time management. Visual timers, clocks and family planners can also make abstract concepts of time more concrete.
Friendships Require Executive Functions Too
When parents think about executive functions, schoolwork often comes to mind first. Yet some of the greatest executive function challenges during middle childhood happen on the playground.
Friendships require children to:
- Take another person’s perspective
- Regulate emotions
- Solve disagreements
- Negotiate rules
- Cope with disappointment
- Shift between ideas
- Think flexibly
- Inhibit impulsive reactions
These are incredibly complex skills. Children who struggle socially are not necessarily lacking social knowledge. Sometimes they are finding it difficult to access the executive functions needed to use those skills in the moment. This is particularly relevant for many autistic children, children with ADHD, developmental language disorder and those experiencing anxiety (Diamond, 2013; Dawson & Guare, 2018).
The OT Lens
When a child repeatedly argues with friends or becomes upset during games, we don’t simply ask,
“What did they do?”
We ask,
“What executive function skill might they have needed in that moment?”
Perhaps they struggled to shift their thinking when the rules changed.nPerhaps they acted impulsively before thinking. Perhaps frustration overwhelmed their problem-solving abilities. Understanding the underlying skill helps us support children far more effectively than focusing on behaviour alone.
Technology: Friend or Foe?
Technology has become a normal part of childhood. It can offer wonderful opportunities for creativity, communication and learning.
However, many digital activities provide immediate rewards, instant feedback and very little need to tolerate waiting or frustration. By contrast, everyday occupations such as building a model, completing a puzzle, baking, gardening or learning a musical instrument ask children to plan ahead, persist through challenges, solve problems and manage mistakes.
Like many things in life, balance is key. Encouraging children to experience a wide range of occupations helps build flexible thinking and resilience while supporting healthy executive function development (Diamond & Lee, 2011).
Mistakes Are Where Learning Happens
As parents, it can be difficult to watch children forget homework, miss a deadline or arrive at football training without their boots. Our instinct is often to rescue. Sometimes that is necessary.
But whenever possible, allowing children to experience the natural consequences of small mistakes can become one of the most powerful teachers. Forgetting a library book once often teaches more than ten reminders. Packing the wrong snack can encourage planning next time. Missing part of a sports session because equipment was forgotten creates an opportunity to problem-solve.
These experiences build resilience alongside executive functioning.
OT Tip
Rather than saying,
“I told you so.”
Try asking,
“What could we do differently next time?”
This keeps the focus on problem-solving instead of blame. Children are far more likely to develop independent strategies when they feel supported rather than criticised.
When Should You Seek Support?
Every child occasionally loses belongings, forgets instructions or leaves homework until the last minute. Executive functions continue developing throughout adolescence, so occasional struggles are expected. However, it may be worth seeking support if these challenges consistently interfere with your child’s participation at home, school or in the community.
Some signs include:
- Frequent difficulty organising school materials
- Needing significantly more reminders than peers
- Becoming overwhelmed by multi-step tasks
- Avoiding activities because they seem “too hard”
- Difficulty beginning or completing work independently
- Emotional outbursts linked to everyday demands
- Ongoing struggles with independence despite appropriate opportunities to practise
Occupational therapists look beyond the behaviour itself. We consider how the child’s strengths, sensory processing, motor skills, emotional regulation, environment and daily occupations interact to influence participation. From there, we work collaboratively with families and schools to develop practical strategies that fit naturally into everyday routines.
Key Take-Home Messages
Between the ages of eight and twelve, children are expected to take on increasing responsibility for managing their own lives. Yet their executive functions are still developing.
Rather than expecting independence to appear overnight, we can create opportunities for children to practise these skills through meaningful everyday occupations. Packing a school bag. Preparing a simple lunch. Managing a homework routine. Planning a family outing. Helping cook dinner. Organising sports equipment. Negotiating a game with friends.
These are far more than daily chores. They are opportunities to build planning, organisation, emotional regulation, flexible thinking and confidence.
Parent Reflection
Think about your child’s week ahead. Is there one everyday task where you could shift from doing it for them to doing it with them Perhaps it’s packing their school bag together. Creating a homework checklist. Planning what they’ll need for swimming. Giving them the space to make a small mistake—and helping them learn from it.
Executive functions grow through practice, not perfection.
Remember…
Middle childhood is a time of enormous growth. Children are becoming more independent, but they still need adults who can coach, encourage and gradually step back as skills develop.
As occupational therapists, we know that every meaningful occupation is an opportunity to strengthen executive functioning. The goal isn’t to raise children who never forget, never struggle or never need help. The goal is to raise children who are curious, resilient and increasingly confident in their ability to plan, solve problems, adapt to challenges and participate fully in the occupations that matter most to them.
That journey doesn’t happen through constant reminders. It happens through participation, encouragement, and the everyday experiences that help children discover what they are capable of.
Evidence-Informed Practice
This article has been written from an occupational therapy perspective and is informed by current developmental neuroscience, occupational therapy theory and peer-reviewed research. The references below represent a selection of key evidence underpinning the concepts discussed throughout this article.
References
American Occupational Therapy Association. (2020). Occupational Therapy Practice Framework: Domain and Process (4th ed.). American Journal of Occupational Therapy, 74(Supplement 2), 7412410010. https://doi.org/10.5014/ajot.2020.74S2001
Best, J. R., & Miller, P. H. (2010). A developmental perspective on executive function. Child Development, 81(6), 1641–1660. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8624.2010.01499.x
Blair, C., & Raver, C. C. (2015). School readiness and self-regulation: A developmental psychobiological approach. Annual Review of Psychology, 66, 711–731. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-010814-015221
Dawson, P., & Guare, R. (2018). Executive Skills in Children and Adolescents: A Practical Guide to Assessment and Intervention (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.
Diamond, A. (2013). Executive functions. Annual Review of Psychology, 64, 135–168. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-113011-143750
Diamond, A., & Lee, K. (2011). Interventions shown to aid executive function development in children 4 to 12 years old. Science, 333(6045), 959–964. https://doi.org/10.1126/science.1204529
Law, M., Cooper, B., Strong, S., Stewart, D., Rigby, P., & Letts, L. (1996). The Person–Environment–Occupation Model: A transactive approach to occupational performance. Canadian Journal of Occupational Therapy, 63(1), 9–23. https://doi.org/10.1177/000841749606300103
Shonkoff, J. P., & Phillips, D. A. (Eds.). (2000). From Neurons to Neighbourhoods: The Science of Early Childhood Development. National Academies Press.
World Federation of Occupational Therapists. (2019). Position Statement: Occupational Therapy with Children and Youth.
Zelazo, P. D. (2015). Executive function: Reflection, iterative reprocessing, complexity and the developing brain. Developmental Review, 38, 55–68. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.dr.2015.07.001
by Nicola Van Zyl