Your toddler is already building executive function…
even if it doesn’t look like it.
Your three-year-old insists on putting on their own shoes. They become frustrated when they’re on the wrong feet. They stop, look, swap them over, and proudly walk out the door.
Your four-year-old remembers that teddy needs to come in the car before leaving the house.
Your two-year-old waits—just for a few seconds—before grabbing the last biscuit because you’ve asked them to.
These may seem like ordinary moments, but behind each one, your child’s brain is practising some of the most important skills they will ever develop. These skills are called executive functions.
Many parents first hear this term when their child starts school or begins struggling with organisation, homework or emotional regulation. However, research tells us that the foundations of executive functioning begin developing from infancy and continue into early adulthood, with the most rapid growth occurring during the preschool years (Centre on the Developing Child, Harvard University; Diamond, 2013).
As occupational therapists, we often reassure parents that executive functions are not something children suddenly “have” when they start school. Instead, they grow gradually through everyday experiences, supportive relationships and meaningful activities.
The wonderful news is that you are probably already helping your child develop these skills every single day.
What are executive functions?
Think of executive functions as the brain’s management system.
They help us to:
- Remember information
- Focus our attention
- Control impulses
- Solve problems
- Switch between ideas
- Regulate emotions
- Plan and organise tasks
- Complete everyday activities
Professor Adele Diamond, one of the world’s leading researchers in executive function, describes three core executive functions that form the building blocks for more complex skills later in life:
- Working Memory – holding information in mind while using it.
- Inhibitory Control – stopping oneself from acting immediately.
- Cognitive Flexibility – adapting when things change or considering different perspectives.
These skills eventually support school learning, friendships, independence, emotional regulation and even success in adulthood. But they don’t begin with worksheets or homework—they begin with play, relationships and everyday life.
Executive functions don’t develop in isolation
One of the biggest misconceptions about executive functioning is that it is simply a cognitive skill. From an occupational therapy perspective, executive functions develop through participation in meaningful occupations—the everyday activities that give children’s lives purpose and meaning.
Children don’t develop executive functions by sitting at a desk. They develop them while:
- Building towers
- Pretending to run a café
- Helping to bake muffins
- Getting dressed
- Climbing at the playground
- Tidying toys
- Negotiating whose turn comes next
- Listening to stories
- Packing their own bag
Every meaningful activity requires the brain to organise information, make decisions, regulate emotions and adapt to changing situations. This is why occupational therapists look far beyond a child’s thinking skills. We consider the whole child—their sensory processing, motor skills, emotional regulation, environment and daily occupations—because all of these work together to support executive function development.
Why the preschool years matter
The first five years of life are a remarkable period of brain development. During this time, billions of neural connections are being formed through children’s experiences. The prefrontal cortex—the area of the brain responsible for executive functions—is developing rapidly but is still very immature. In fact, this area continues developing well into a person’s twenties.
This means we shouldn’t expect toddlers and preschoolers to have excellent self-control, planning skills or emotional regulation. Their brains simply aren’t ready yet. Instead, they need adults who can lend them these skills. Developmental scientists often refer to this as co-regulation. Before children can regulate themselves, they rely on calm, supportive adults to help them manage big feelings, solve problems and recover from frustration. Over time, these repeated experiences become the building blocks for self-regulation and executive functioning.
As the Harvard Centre on the Developing Child explains, executive functions develop best within warm, responsive relationships where adults provide guidance that gradually decreases as children become more independent.
OT Perspective
As occupational therapists, we often say that children “borrow” our executive functions before they develop their own. When we calmly help a child remember the next step, wait their turn, solve a problem or cope with disappointment, we are acting as their external executive functioning system. Eventually, these skills become internal.
This is one reason why co-regulation is far more effective than punishment for young children whose brains are still developing.
The first building block: Working Memory
Working memory is the ability to hold information in mind while using it. For adults, this might mean remembering a phone number long enough to dial it. For preschoolers, it looks very different.
Working memory helps children:
- Remember two-step instructions
- Follow routines
- Remember where they left their favourite toy
- Recall the rules of a game
- Finish a simple task without forgetting what they were doing
Imagine asking your four-year-old:
“Can you put your shoes by the door and then bring me your water bottle?”
To complete this successfully, they need to remember both parts of the instruction while carrying them out. That is working memory in action.
Parents sometimes worry when children forget instructions or become distracted halfway through a task. For young children, this is usually completely typical. Working memory develops gradually through repeated opportunities to practise during everyday life.
OT Tip
Rather than repeating instructions over and over, try giving one or two simple steps and allow your child time to process before repeating yourself. Reducing background distractions and using visual cues can also make success much more likely.
The second building block: Inhibitory Control
If you’ve ever watched a toddler reach for the biscuit you just asked them not to touch… you’ve witnessed inhibitory control developing. Inhibitory control is our ability to pause before acting.
It helps children:
- Wait for a turn
- Resist grabbing toys
- Stop running when asked
- Listen before acting
- Think before responding
For toddlers, this skill is incredibly difficult. Their brains are naturally wired to act on immediate wants and feelings. This is why expecting a two-year-old to “just stop” having a tantrum or wait patiently for ten minutes isn’t realistic. Instead, inhibitory control develops through thousands of everyday experiences where adults gently support children to wait a little longer, take turns, and recover after becoming upset.
Games like Red Light, Green Light, Simon Says, musical statues and simple turn-taking board games are wonderful ways to practise inhibitory control because they make self-control fun rather than stressful. Perhaps even more importantly, children strengthen inhibitory control when adults respond calmly during moments of frustration. Every time a parent helps a child pause, breathe, and try again, they are helping build the brain pathways needed for future self-regulation.
OT Tip
Remember that self-control uses a lot of mental energy. Children often find it much harder to wait, listen or regulate their behaviour when they are tired, hungry, overwhelmed or experiencing sensory overload.
Instead of asking, “Why won’t they listen?” it can be helpful to ask:
“What is making self-control difficult right now?”
This small shift in thinking often changes how we respond—and ultimately supports children’s developing executive functions much more effectively.
In Part 2 of this series, we’ll explore the third core executive function—cognitive flexibility—and, more importantly, look at how everyday occupations such as play, dressing, cooking, story time, outdoor adventures and family routines naturally build executive functioning skills. We’ll also discuss when executive function difficulties may warrant additional support and share practical strategies you can begin using at home today.
by Nicola Van Zyl