“Why can’t they just do it themselves?”
If you have ever found yourself asking this question about your child’s chores, you are certainly not alone. Perhaps you have asked your child to put their clothes away for what feels like the hundredth time. Or maybe you have given them a simple job, only to find that they have become distracted halfway through, forgotten what they were supposed to do, or decided that the task is “too hard”.
It can be tempting to interpret this as laziness, defiance or a lack of responsibility. But from an occupational therapy perspective, there is often much more going on. Being physically capable of completing a task is not the same as being able to independently organise, remember, initiate, sequence and complete it.
Household chores provide children with opportunities to practise all of these skills within meaningful, everyday activities. They can also help children develop practical life skills, confidence and a sense that they have an important role within their family.
The American Academy of Paediatrics recommends introducing children to simple household responsibilities from an early age, with expectations increasing as they develop. Importantly, they also emphasise that children differ in their abilities and temperament, and that expectations should be realistic rather than overwhelming.
So, what can your child reasonably be expected to do?
Chores are about much more than “helping around the house”
When we think about chores, we might think about tidying, putting laundry away, washing dishes or taking out the bins. From an OT perspective, these everyday activities involve a surprisingly large number of skills.
For example, “put your clothes away” might require your child to:
- Notice that the clothes need putting away
- Find the clothes
- Sort them into appropriate groups
- Remember where each item belongs
- Carry the clothes to the bedroom
- Open the correct drawer or wardrobe
- Fold or organise the clothes
- Put them away
- Close the drawer
- Check whether there are any clothes left
- Recognise that the task is finished
This involves motor skills, attention, working memory, sequencing, planning, organisation, initiation, problem-solving and self-monitoring.
Research is beginning to demonstrate this relationship. A study published in the Australian Occupational Therapy Journal looked at 207 children aged 5 to 13 and found that engagement in self-care and family-care chores was associated with aspects of executive functioning, including working memory and inhibition. The authors suggest that chores may provide opportunities for children to practise planning, remembering instructions, self-regulation and switching between tasks. However, this was an observational study, so it cannot demonstrate that chores directly cause improvements in executive functioning.
Another large longitudinal study involving almost 10,000 children found that regular engagement in chores during kindergarten was associated with greater self-reported competence, prosocial behaviour and life satisfaction in third grade. Again, these findings demonstrate an association rather than proving that chores themselves caused these later outcomes.
The message for families is therefore not “chores will make your child better at executive functioning”. Instead, chores provide natural, meaningful opportunities to practise skills that children are developing anyway.
So, what chores are appropriate for my child’s age?
The age ranges below are intended as guidelines rather than strict developmental milestones. Children develop at different rates, and their previous experience with household responsibilities makes a significant difference.
A seven-year-old who has been helping with household jobs since they were three may be ready for considerably more independence than a seven-year-old who has rarely been expected to complete chores.
The aim is not to compare your child with another child. The aim is to find the “just right” level of challenge for your child.
Ages 3–4: “I can help”
At this age, chores should generally be short, concrete and predictable.
Your child might be able to:
Bedroom and play
- Put toys into a box
- Put books onto a shelf
- Put dirty clothes into the laundry basket
- Help pull up their duvet
- Put shoes in their usual place
Mealtimes
- Put napkins on the table
- Carry an unbreakable cup to the table
- Take their own plate to the kitchen
- Help wipe the table
Laundry
- Put clothes into the laundry basket
- Match socks
- Help put simple items into drawers
Around the home
- Help wipe up a small spill
- Carry lightweight objects
- Help tidy objects into their usual places
- Water plants with supervision
- Help feed a pet with close adult supervision
At this age, helping is the goal. Your child may complete part of the task independently but still need modelling, verbal prompts or an adult working alongside them. Don’t worry if it isn’t perfect. They are learning what it means to contribute.
Ages 5–6: “I can do simple jobs”
Children can begin taking responsibility for small, predictable household tasks.
They might be able to:
- Make their bed
- Put toys away
- Put clothes into the appropriate drawer
- Put dirty clothes in the laundry basket
- Set part of the table
- Clear their own plate and cup
- Wipe the table
- Match socks
- Put away simple laundry
- Water plants
- Help empty small bins
- Feed a pet with appropriate supervision
- Help unpack simple groceries
- Dust accessible surfaces
- Sweep small areas
At this age, it is particularly useful to start teaching the idea that a task has a beginning, middle and end.
For example:
“Put your clothes away” is not necessarily one step.
It might mean:
- Find the clothes.
- Sort the clothes.
- Take them to the bedroom.
- Put them in the correct drawer.
- Close the drawer.
- Check whether anything is left.
Children often need this sequence explicitly taught before they can eventually manage it independently.
Ages 7–8: “I can take responsibility”
Children can gradually begin completing longer, multi-step chores.
They might be ready to:
- Make their bed independently
- Keep their bedroom reasonably tidy
- Empty a small bin
- Set and clear the table
- Load appropriate items into the dishwasher
- Put away groceries
- Fold and put away simple laundry
- Sweep floors
- Wipe surfaces
- Water plants
- Feed pets
- Pack away belongings after activities
- Help prepare simple foods
- Help with household recycling
At this stage, parents can begin moving away from giving every individual instruction.
Instead of:
“Go upstairs. Pick up your clothes. Put them in the basket. Then put your books away.”
Try:
“Your bedroom needs a tidy. What needs to happen?”
This gives the child an opportunity to practise planning and initiation, rather than simply following instructions. They may still need prompts. That is completely normal.
Ages 9–10: “I can manage a job”
Children can increasingly take responsibility for chores that require several steps and some independent organisation.
Examples include:
- Vacuuming or sweeping floors
- Cleaning their bedroom
- Changing their bed linen with support as needed
- Folding and putting away laundry
- Loading or unloading the dishwasher
- Preparing a simple breakfast or snack
- Making a simple packed lunch
- Putting away groceries
- Taking responsibility for appropriate recycling tasks
- Feeding and caring for pets
- Helping with grocery shopping
- Cleaning simple surfaces
- Helping with garden tasks
- Organising their school bag and belongings
The focus can gradually shift from:
“Can they do it?”
To:
“Can they work out what needs doing?”
For example, rather than saying:
“Put your laundry away.”
You could eventually say:
“Your laundry is ready. What do you need to do?”
That small change encourages your child to think about the process themselves.
Ages 11–12: “I can manage routines”
At this stage, many children can begin taking responsibility for regular household jobs from beginning to end.
Depending on the individual child, this might include:
- Vacuuming
- Cleaning their bedroom
- Changing bed linen
- Doing a simple laundry load with appropriate supervision
- Hanging or folding clothes
- Loading and unloading the dishwasher
- Preparing simple meals
- Making packed lunches
- Cleaning bathroom surfaces
- Taking out appropriate bins and recycling
- Looking after pets
- Helping with shopping
- Gardening
- Keeping shared spaces tidy
- Helping younger siblings with appropriate tasks
The important development here is not simply whether your child can complete the physical task. It is whether they can begin to take ownership of the routine. Can they remember that it needs doing? Can they start without being reminded? Can they work out what equipment they need? Can they identify when something has gone wrong? Can they check whether the job is actually finished?
These are important steps towards independence.
Age 13+: “I can contribute to the household”
As children move into adolescence, household responsibilities can increasingly resemble the practical tasks they will need throughout adulthood.
Teenagers can work towards independently managing:
- Cooking meals
- Planning a simple meal
- Grocery shopping
- Laundry from start to finish
- Cleaning bathrooms
- Vacuuming and mopping
- Changing bed linen
- Managing their personal belongings
- Taking out bins and recycling
- Looking after pets
- Basic household maintenance
- Preparing food for others
- Organising their bedroom
- Managing regular household routines
The goal is not simply to create a teenager who can follow a chore chart. The longer-term goal is to develop a young person who can:
Notice → Plan → Start → Complete → Check
Without another person having to manage every part of the process. That is independence.
But what if my child is older and isn’t managing these chores?
This is where things can become complicated. A child may be physically capable of completing a task but still struggle significantly with the executive-function demands involved. This can be particularly relevant for children with ADHD, autism, developmental coordination difficulties, intellectual disability, anxiety or other developmental differences.
For example, an autistic 12-year-old may technically know how to tidy their bedroom but become overwhelmed by:
- Where to start
- Too many objects
- Changes in routine
- Sensory discomfort
- Unclear expectations
- Difficulty identifying what “tidy” actually means
- Difficulty switching away from another activity
Similarly, a teenager with ADHD may know perfectly well how to put laundry away but struggle with:
- Remembering that it needs doing
- Initiating the task
- Maintaining attention
- Managing several steps
- Returning to the task after becoming distracted
This does not necessarily mean that the expectation is inappropriate. It may mean that the task needs to be adapted.
Make the task smaller before removing the expectation
Imagine telling a child:
“Clean your bedroom.”
For some children, that is a reasonable instruction. For others, it is an enormous and poorly defined task.
Instead, break it down:
Step 1: Put rubbish in the bin
Step 2: Put dirty clothes in the basket
Step 3: Put books on the shelf
Step 4: Put toys in the toy box
Step 5: Make the bed
Step 6: Check the floor
Now the child has a clear starting point and a clear definition of “finished”. Visual checklists can be particularly useful for children who struggle with working memory, sequencing or initiation.
The American Academy of Paediatrics also recommends clearly explaining what is expected and using chore lists or visual reminders where helpful, particularly when children are first developing these responsibilities.
Consider the sensory demands
Sometimes a child appears to be avoiding a chore when the actual problem is the sensory experience involved.
For example:
“They refuse to do the dishes.”
Could the problem be:
- Wet hands?
- Food residue?
- Smells?
- Water temperature?
- The texture of sponges?
- Feeling of dirty plates?
- Noise from dishes?
“They hate vacuuming.”
Could the problem be:
- Noise?
- Vibration?
- Difficulty tolerating the sensation through their hands?
- Anxiety about the sudden sound?
- Sensory overload?
“They won’t put laundry away.”
Could the problem be:
- Difficulty organising clothing?
- Overwhelming visual clutter?
- Particular clothing textures?
- Difficulty reaching drawers?
- Not knowing exactly where items belong?
From an OT perspective, understanding why a child is struggling is often more useful than simply increasing the number of reminders.
The Chore Independence Ladder
One of the most useful ways to think about chores is to stop viewing independence as an “all or nothing” skill.
Your child does not have to go directly from:
“Mum does it”
To:
“I do it completely independently.”
There are several steps in between.
- Adult does it – Your child watches and learns what happens.
- Child watches – Talk through the steps as you complete the task.
- Child helps – Your child completes one or two parts of the task.
- Child completes with help – You work alongside them and provide support.
- Child completes with prompts – You step back and provide verbal or visual reminders.
- Child completes independently – They can complete the task without assistance.
- Child notices it needs doing – They no longer need someone to tell them.
- Child plans and completes it – They recognise the need, work out what is required, complete the task and check the outcome.
The final stage is the long-term goal, and it is why simply giving a child more chores is not necessarily enough. We need to gradually transfer responsibility from adult to child.
How can parents make chores easier to succeed with?
Start small
It is much better for a child to successfully manage one meaningful responsibility than to be given ten jobs that require constant reminders.
Make expectations specific
“Clean up” can mean very different things to different people.
Rather than:
“Tidy up.”
Try:
“Put all the toys into the blue box.”
Teach before expecting independence
If your child has never done a task before, they cannot reasonably be expected to know how to complete it independently. Show them. Do it together. Then gradually step back.
Use visual supports
A checklist, photographs, symbols or written steps can reduce the amount your child has to hold in their working memory.
Build chores into routines
A predictable routine reduces the need for constant verbal reminders.
For example, after breakfast:
Put bowl in dishwasher → Wipe table → Get ready for school
Allow enough time
If your child is learning a new skill, it will probably take longer than if you do it yourself. That is part of the learning process.
Resist the urge to “fix” it immediately
If your child folds the towels differently from you, that does not necessarily mean they have done it incorrectly.
Ask yourself:
“Does it need to be perfect, or does it need to be functional?”
Learning to contribute is more important than producing a perfect result.
What if my child refuses?
Before assuming that your child is simply being difficult, ask:
“Is the task too hard?”
“Is it unclear?”
“Is it too long?”
“Is there a sensory barrier?”
“Are they struggling to transition away from something they enjoy?”
“Do they know how to start?”
“Have they ever been taught the skill?”
“Are they being asked to remember too many steps?”
“Is the expectation appropriate for their current abilities?”
Sometimes changing the task is more effective than increasing the consequences.
Remember: independence is built, not demanded
Children do not suddenly become independent because they reach a particular birthday. Independence develops gradually through opportunity, practice, repetition, support and the gradual transfer of responsibility. A three-year-old putting toys into a box may seem a long way from a teenager cooking dinner and managing their own laundry. But these skills are connected.
The child who learns to put their toys away is beginning to learn:
“I have a responsibility.”
The child who learns to follow a simple sequence is beginning to learn:
“I can work out what comes next.”
The child who learns to notice that their laundry needs doing is beginning to learn:
“I can recognise what needs to happen without someone telling me.”
And eventually, these small everyday experiences contribute to something much bigger:
The ability to participate independently in everyday life.
That is why, from an occupational therapy perspective, chores are not simply about getting children to help around the house. They are opportunities to build participation, confidence, practical skills and independence for everyday life.
When might an Occupational Therapist help?
If your child is significantly behind their peers in managing everyday responsibilities, becomes overwhelmed by routine household tasks, or requires a very high level of prompting to complete activities that would typically be expected for their age, an Occupational Therapist can help identify what is getting in the way.
An OT can look at the individual skills involved, including:
- Motor skills
- Sensory processing
- Attention
- Executive functioning
- Planning and organisation
- Sequencing
- Initiation
- Emotional regulation
- Problem-solving
- Environmental demands
Rather than simply asking, “Why won’t they do it?”, we can ask:
“What is making this task difficult, and what support would help this child become more independent?”
Occupational therapists can work with children and families to identify practical strategies that make everyday activities more manageable and help children build genuine independence over time.
References and further reading
Tepper, D. L., Howell, T. J., & Bennett, P. C. (2022). Executive functions and household chores: Does engagement in chores predict children’s cognition? Australian Occupational Therapy Journal, 69(5), 585–598.
White, E. M., DeBoer, M. D., & Scharf, R. J. (2019). Associations between household chores and childhood self-competency. Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, 40(3), 176–182.
American Academy of Pediatrics. (2024). Age-appropriate chores for children. HealthyChildren.org.
by Nicola Van Zyl