Starting school changes everything… for children and parents.
Many parents tell us the same story:
“My child managed preschool beautifully. Then they started school and suddenly everything became harder.”
Mornings become a rush. Homework ends in tears. Shoes are forgotten. Lunchboxes are left behind. Simple instructions seem impossible to follow. By the end of the school day, emotions spill over at home.
If this sounds familiar, you’re certainly not alone.
One of the biggest misconceptions about executive functioning is that children suddenly develop these skills once they start school. In reality, the early school years place far greater demands on executive functions than preschool ever did.
Children aren’t just expected to learn to read, write and count. They’re expected to:
- Organise themselves
- Remember instructions
- Manage time
- Regulate emotions
- Stay focused
- Complete tasks independently
- Move between activities
- Cope when things don’t go according to plan
These are all executive function skills. As occupational therapists, we often explain that starting school doesn’t suddenly create executive function difficulties—it simply reveals the skills that are still developing.
The encouraging news is that these skills continue to grow throughout childhood, especially when children are supported through meaningful everyday experiences.
Executive functions continue to grow throughout childhood
If you read our previous blog, you’ll remember that executive functions begin developing in infancy. Between the ages of five and eight, these skills continue to strengthen rapidly.
Children become better able to:
- Remember several instructions
- Organise materials
- Control impulses
- Shift between activities
- Solve problems
- Begin tasks independently
- Persist when things feel difficult
- Manage increasingly complex routines
However, development is rarely a straight line. Some days children appear wonderfully organised. The next day they forget their jumper, lose their reading book and melt down because breakfast was served in the wrong bowl.
This inconsistency is completely normal. Executive functions are still under construction.
The OT Lens
One of the most common things we hear from parents is:
“But they can do it sometimes.”
From an occupational therapy perspective, this is actually reassuring. Executive functioning isn’t simply about whether a child can complete a task. It’s about whether they can consistently do it across different environments, at different times of day, when they’re tired, excited, distracted, worried or overwhelmed.
Consistency develops gradually. A child who remembers their school bag three mornings in a row may still forget it on Thursday. That doesn’t mean they’ve gone backwards, it simply means they’re still learning.
Why school feels so demanding
Think about everything a child has to manage before they even begin learning.
They need to:
- Wake up on time
- Get dressed
- Remember their uniform
- Brush their teeth
- Eat breakfast
- Pack their school bag
- Remember homework
- Find their water bottle
- Arrive at school ready to learn
Once they arrive, the demands continue.
Children are expected to:
- Follow multi-step instructions
- Switch between subjects
- Wait their turn
- Ignore distractions
- Sit still for longer periods
- Organise books and equipment
- Remember classroom rules
- Cope with changes to routines
- Solve social problems
- Regulate emotions throughout the day
That’s an enormous amount of executive functioning. It isn’t surprising that many children use so much mental energy meeting these expectations that they have very little left by the time they arrive home.
“Why does my child fall apart after school?”
This is one of the questions we answer most often. Parents often tell us:
“The teacher says they had a wonderful day, but they come home and explode.”
This can feel confusing. But from an occupational therapy perspective, it makes perfect sense. Throughout the school day, children are constantly using executive functions. They’re concentrating, ignoring distractions, following rules, managing emotions, remembering instructions, navigating friendships, and adapting to changes.
For many children, especially those who are neurodivergent or experience sensory processing differences, this requires an enormous amount of mental effort. Home is often the place where they finally feel safe enough to let go. Rather than seeing after-school meltdowns as “bad behaviour,” it can be helpful to see them as a sign that your child has been working incredibly hard all day.
The OT Lens
Occupational therapists often say:
“Regulation comes before organisation.”
A child who is emotionally or sensorily overwhelmed cannot easily access planning, problem-solving or flexible thinking.
Before asking:
“Have you unpacked your school bag?”
it may help to ask:
“What does your child need to feel regulated first?”
For one child, this might be a snack. For another, outdoor play. Another may need quiet time, movement, cuddles or simply twenty minutes with no demands. Meeting these regulation needs first often makes everyday routines much easier afterwards.
Executive functions are about much more than homework
When parents hear “executive functioning,” homework is often the first thing that comes to mind. Homework certainly uses executive functions.
Children need to:
- Begin the task
- Stay focused
- Remember instructions
- Organise materials
- Check their work
- Finish independently
But homework is only one occupation in a child’s day. Executive functions are equally important when children:
- Make their bed
- Pack their swimming bag
- Organise Lego pieces
- Help prepare dinner
- Choose weather-appropriate clothing
- Remember library books
- Tidy their bedroom
- Organise sports equipment
- Play board games with friends
Every one of these everyday occupations provides valuable opportunities to practise executive functioning in meaningful ways.
From an occupational therapy perspective, these everyday routines are just as important as academic tasks because they build the confidence, independence and problem-solving skills children need throughout life.
The Developing Skill of Planning
Around this age, children begin developing the ability to think ahead. Planning isn’t simply about organising homework.
Planning might look like:
- Deciding what toys are needed for imaginative play
- Gathering ingredients before baking
- Packing clothes for swimming
- Organising materials for a craft activity
- Deciding what needs to happen first
Planning develops through repeated opportunities to participate—not by adults doing everything for children. Children who are given opportunities to help organise family life often develop confidence alongside executive functioning. They begin to understand that their actions make a difference.
OT Tip
If your child asks for help immediately, pause before stepping in. Instead of solving the problem, try asking:
“What do you think you need first?”
“What’s your plan?”
“Can you think of another way?”
These gentle prompts encourage children to develop independent thinking while knowing that support is available if they need it.
In Part 2, we’ll explore organisation, task initiation, emotional regulation and the everyday family routines that naturally strengthen executive functions during the early school years. We’ll also discuss common myths about “lazy” children, practical occupational therapy strategies for home, and when additional support may be beneficial.
by Nicola Van Zyl