Making (and committing to) decisions can sometimes be a very challenging task for children. And yet, it can also be a very important skill for children to develop. As an adult, we have to make numerous decisions every day, some based on interest (what shall I watch on TV this evening?), others based on practical or economical reasons (which brand of toilet paper shall I buy?) While children do not need to make such monumental decisions such as which brand of toilet they should buy, developing the skill to make such decisions (and other even more monumental ones such as what to study) takes many years, and many bad decisions along the way.
Some children, however, find this task even more daunting. Even tackling the simplest of choices can pose an insurmountable challenge. Why would these children find this so difficult? There could be many reasons. Confidence and faith in their own ability could hold a child back and make them cautious to commit to a decision. Difficulty sorting out the important factors in situations can make it hard to solve problems and thus, make decisions. Lack of experience in a variety of situations can also influence a child’s confidence and ability to make decisions.
What then, can you do to support your child’s decision making skills? Firstly, create as many opportunities as possible for your child to make decisions. Remember, little choices for little children. Choices or decisions can range from what colour T-Shirt they would like to wear, to which book they want to read, to what the family will eat for dinner. Small decisions, which affect only themselves, are easier to make than bigger decisions which will affect others, so build these up slowly.
Begin by offering choices that all have successful outcomes and where the decisions do not have negative consequences. Choices on colour, for example, typically have no significant consequence. Also, begin by offering choices between two or three items, rather than open-ended questions. Asking whether a child wants fish fingers and chips or spaghetti bolognaise is easier to answer than asking what they want for dinner.
Recognise and acknowledge all decisions, pointing out particular reasons why they are good decisions. Even if a decision is perhaps not the best one, offer positive feedback to your child about the positive elements of a decision and steer a decision to a more appropriate one. For example, recently, I asked my 5 year old son what he would like to give his grandfather for Christmas. He suggested that a camera would be a good idea. While praising him for thinking of his grandfather’s particular interest in photography, I pointed out to him how expensive a good camera would be and steered him towards choosing an accessory for his camera instead. Throughout the exchange, I emphasised how well-thought his choice was.
Praise them for making decisions. It is more important for them (as young children) to make decisions than to make the right decisions. The good thing about childhood is, for the most part, most of the poor decisions children make do not have significant or long-term consequence. They may choose to take a toy to school and it gets lost, or they may choose to sneak the cookie out the cookie jar, but none of these are likely to lead to real loss, bereavement or jail-time. So, even if your child made a poor decision, praise them for making the decision, although you may want to use this as a learning opportunity about why they should make a different decision next time.
A final thought to leave with: children need to practice decision-making often in order to learn how to make good decisions. We can help them with this by creating opportunities for them to make simple choices and offering encouragement and praise for any aspects of decision-making they have done well.
by Catherine Milford